Aftereffects
by lilieslilacs
Summary: "I think... we were meant to break, Sasuke."


Occasions like this were rare, so maybe that was why he cherished moments like this a lot. It was a cold spring night; the full moon glowed brightly up in the indigo sky. He was sitting on the rooftop of the library, fifteen minutes away from his apartment, watching the motionless sky. The clouds weren't moving. Sakura sat next to him, her head against his chest, and he cradled her softly in his arms. Everything was quiet and motionless, yet _perfect_.

"Do you… remember?" she whispered softly, her voice was feminine and comforting at the same time. He reached for her back and held her tighter, pulling her even closer for a bit. She shifted in his arms and moved closer. Gently, she reached for his back and rubbed it in an up-down motion. "When we watched the fireworks together….?"

He tugged his chin above her hair. Her pink hair was so soft. He buried his face into her hair, inhaling her scent. He wished moments like this could occur more often. But maybe because moments like this were rare – when he could just hold her all night, inhaling her scent, and enjoying her presence in silence – he treasured it so much. To both of them, there was no such thing as a starting point. He didn't know when it started, but he knew he didn't want it to end.

"Before you… leave…" her left hand moved to his chiseled chest, drawing circles. He always found it comforting. "We were the only team who couldn't go to the festival together," she continued, but it was clear the topic was painful for both of them. She sensed him tense next to her, his body bolt up straight, and his heartbeat quickened – she could feel it under her palm.

"Sakura…" he groaned and his body tensed even more. Silently, she shifted closer, so she was sitting on his lap and drew gentle circles on his back and his chiseled chest to comfort him a bit.

In his life, he had made a lot of wrong turns, hurt his dearest people, and killed the innocent. In his life, he had gone through his darkest hour. In his darkest hour, he had become evil and insane, he had been so thrilled by revenge, he had been so lost. And in those darkest hours, regrets were unfathomable. Then, five years later, when he returned post-war, regrets filled his lonely self. What used to be his greatest and finest decision became his greatest regret. He regretted leaving.

To him, talking about the past hurt. To Team 7, the past was a painful being that haunted them to no end. They still dreamt of nightmare, where the worst happened. They still cried tears of sorrow. When they finished a mission together – finally as a team again – tears would stream down their eyes despite their happy smiling faces. It happened all the time. They were wounded and scarred. It would take much more time to heal, so they avoided the topic often. They could only wish someday… they could leave the past behind and move on.

When she didn't respond for the next ten minutes, he decided to speak up. He wasn't a man of words, but she was changing him slowly. "Go home with me, Sakura." He inhaled her scent once more. Sakura – despite her name – never smelled like cherry blossoms. She smelled of blood and dirt, of antiseptic and disinfectant, of drugs and alcohol – of hospital. Sometimes, the smell was so strong, but he would find it comforting. Her presence alone was comforting.

She shook her head softly then snuggled closer when the wind blew and everything became too cold for her. Sasuke wasn't always warm, unlike how most women would picture their perfect man. Sometimes, his fingertips would feel cold and his skin was often freezing. She wasn't always warm either, especially after long surgery hours; she would feel so cold to her fingertips. But both of them would always have enough warmth for each other. Sasuke draped an arm around her waist and lifted her closer; he kissed her forehead and frowned at her immediate answer.

One of the reasons why moments like this were rare was _her_. Often, Sasuke wondered what happened to the 12-years-old cherry blossom who used to cling to him so desperately. The 12-years-old would have thrown herself at him, given any time and chances. But this 23-years-old seemed dead-set on working longer hours in the hospital, away from him. Did her love for him decrease? He figured that was not her case.

Haruno Sakura was one of the village top medics. She was a workaholic and a genius (not as smart as Shikamaru, but they were only a few level apart). He never imagined her to grow up so wonderfully. On more than one occasions, he regretted not being able to watch her grew so wonderfully. Every day, he regretted ever leaving his hometown, ever being so dead-set on destroying this peaceful place. What was he thinking?

Sakura spent most of her time in the hospital, working longer hours for surgery and constantly on-call for the ER. She rarely slept; she was either busy healing people or reading thick medical scrolls in the library. She was even strong enough to reject his tempting offer of bringing her home with him and spending the whole night cuddling together. She preferred reading hours and hours of medical knowledge than spending a night with him. At first, it was disappointing, but he understood. He understood everything and their aftermath… of what Team 7 eventually become.

"Sakura…" He frowned again, capturing her lips for a moment. She knew why he would drag her back home with him. First, he was worried of her well-being. Second, he couldn't sleep without her by his side. Somehow, at the blurry lines of him returning, her being in love, and them recuperating the broken bonds… they grew closer and he clung to her with his life. "Go home with me," He sighed, exhausted. Bringing her home was a challenge, even kissing her senseless never worked anymore. When he felt her shaking her head once more, he sighed longer. "Why?"

"Sasuke…" she sighed. They have talked about this over and over. He clearly knew her reason, yet he never stopped asking, never stopped trying to bring her back home and slept on the same bed with him. "You know why… I need to work on my skills. I need to save more people." Her green eyes met his onyx orbs – green versus onyx – then they were both an open book to each other. She could see his regrets and fears. He could see her pain and fears. "I have once been useless. I've been so helpless and weak and I don't want it to happen again. I want to be helpful, to be strong, to be independent. I don't have the time to sleep around and laze around."

"You're just… so _annoying_." He sighed and cradled her once more when he felt her slipping away from his strong grip. She chuckled at his remarks. Those were signs of his caring nature toward her. It didn't hurt anymore. She loved them. "I can't sleep," he confessed and Sakura knew how hard it was for him.

"I know," she pulled away from him, but he resisted her slipping presence. He held her stronger. She knew he couldn't sleep. He wouldn't sleep when she wasn't safe and sound in his arms. That's why he came to the library and sat on the rooftop, his chakra radiantly flickers around her, so she would feel guilty about letting him sleep alone. "But I'm completely fine and I can protect myself. So, you should go to sleep. I'm going to see you in the morning." She circled her arms around his neck and rested their forehead against each other. Her gaze was deep and intense, but soft and gentle. Her radiant green orbs looked greyish under the moonlight glow.

"Hn," he grunted. Sasuke has been learning to use more words these days, still his favorite words never changed. Sakura often sighed or hit him on his head each time he grunted. But… she has been working on surgeries all day long; she didn't even have enough strength to pull away from his strong grip.

If they tried to think about it, perhaps him being needy started on their first A-rank mission together as Team 7 after he returned from his so-called quest. The Team 7 duo, Naruto and Sakura was known for their perfect chemistry in teamwork. They knew each other weaknesses and habits; they knew how to cover for each other. They worked splendidly with each other and Sasuke was a little left-out on the sidelines. Sasuke never did anything on their lower-class mission before. The duo always finished it flawlessly.

But that day, they were ambushed and Naruto was trapped in a Forbidden Jutsu. They never really had enough time to bond with each other; Naruto was busy training to become a Hokage, Sakura was busy running the hospital, and Sasuke was busy dealing with his regrets. When they were ambushed, Sasuke was unprepared and Sakura was left with no one to cover her blind spot. As they leap from tree to tree to avoid the ambush, Sakura was stabbed on her chest. Sasuke was so sure he was about to lose her, that she was going to die, that she was going to bleed out to death. As he caught her in his arms, she held his arm tightly to control the painful sizzling in her chest, she was gapping at him, her green-green eyes were losing its light. He was scared to death. Uchiha Sasuke never shed tears before and he never faltered. But he faltered by great measures that day and shed his bloody tears form both eyes – the Amaterasu – out of pure panic.

He never leave her side since that day.

"I think… we were meant to break, Sasuke." She suddenly spoke, in soft but firm voice, yet it hid the same amount of pain as always. He immediately tensed and Sakura started drawing circles on his back again so he would slowly relaxed as always. But he didn't. The past will always be painful for Team 7. He groaned, ready to protest, but she kissed him tenderly. He kissed her back with the same gentleness, but quickly put up the fervor.

"Hn," he grunted when she pulled away. When green and onyx crashed for the third time that day, Sasuke protested with pain shimmering in his dark orbs. "That's not true. If I didn't leave, we might be okay. We might be happy. You won't be dying that day, Naruto won't be so sad and burdened. You won't feel so useless and weak. Everything _will_ be better." He spoke in low tone of regrets.

"But Sasuke… I think… us breaking apart was the best thing that ever going to happen." She kissed his cheek so he'd relax for a bit. She slung her arms around her neck and gazed at him so tenderly. Her eyes were green, flickering, and beautiful. It held so many colors of life and emotion. "If you didn't leave, I would be useless and weak right now. If you didn't leave, Naruto would never be as strong as he is. If you didn't leave… you… would never find out the truth about Itachi. I think… if you didn't leave… it would have eaten you alive and you would end up killing yourself somewhere…" She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I don't think we could be together like this, if you didn't leave. I'd have regretted being so weak, knowing that I could have been."

He pulled her closer, arms circled around her petite figure. He always wondered how he could have lived without her for so long and how he could have resisted her when she could offer him so much comfort. Her touches were gentle and comforting. Her words grew from what used to be sweet and unrealistic pep-talk to sharp reality. She was realistic but comforting. She didn't speak sweet words anymore and he wondered if he should regret it also. She used to be sweet and naïve and painless, but he changed it. How much pain has he given her?

She could feel him trembling as he hugged her tight. Sasuke has been carrying this huge burden in his heart, something she was trying to heal. Yet, he wasn't the only one with wounded heart, she suffered too. To heal him, to heal Naruto, she needed to heal herself first. With this much tightness in her chest, she wondered if one day they could move on from the past. Sasuke has too much regret tugging him inside. These were their aftereffects: Sasuke regrets, Naruto insane training, and Sakura workaholic attitude.

"It's okay, Sasuke," she rubbed his back up and down. "I think it's okay to let it go." She kissed his lips and he kissed her back. He deepened the kiss and she let him. She knew he would cling to her even more, he'd need her even more when they talk about their past. "I didn't die, Sasuke. Yes, you missed out a lot of things, you messed up the teamwork a lot, you almost got me killed… We tried to kill each other. But because you leave, I didn't die that day… the 100 Healing Seal saved me. If you didn't leave, I'd have died."

For a long time, they tuned out everything else about the world. This was the rare moments of the two being together in private moments; where Sasuke could have her in his arms, where Sakura could take a break from work and enjoy his presence, where they could forget everything that weighed down deep inside. As they looked up the sky, Sasuke noticed there were not many stars sparkling up in the sky. He could only spotted one or two, where he could hang his hopes upon. Sakura pulled away for a moment and settled next to him. He cradled her again, closer and she leaned against him.

Sasuke gave up on chasing after happiness ages ago. Happiness was rare and hard to find, it came in forms of little things and disappeared in a snap. When it came flooding him, he would fear ever losing it again. Happiness came with consequences – the fear of losing it, of it being temporary. So, he took what the world had once offered him yet he neglected it, he took what he world once again offered him – comfort. His comfort came in the form of Haruno Sakura and he would salvage every moment of it.

Sakura was ready to move on, he realized. Each time she tried to talk about the past, she'd end up in river of tears. She would choke up on every word she spoke and her hands would tremble in effort of staying strong and comforting him. But this time, despite the obvious pain, she didn't cry. She seemed rather acceptant about everything. Perhaps, the only way to heal this wounded heart deep inside was to accept what has happened – that the past happened and there was no turning it back.

"I think we were meant to break, Sasuke…" she whimpered when he caressed her soft pink hair. She was chakra depleted and he knew she was going to fall asleep anytime soon.

"Hn," he grunted. Maybe he would start accepting the past for her. He trailed kisses on her neck and shoulder, something she purred in pleasure for. "Let's go home, Sakura."

"Okay," she smiled at him, then her eyelids were too heavy for her to stay awake. "Let's go home, Sasuke-kun."


End file.
